Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart? 7-Eleven does.
Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007
Or Genius + Mediocre Execution = Mediocrity.
I really have other things I should be doing, so I’ll say this quick.
While watching a sports talk show absently as I worked on the computer, I heard the hosts mention something interesting.
In preparation for the Simpsons movie, they’ve converted 7-eleven’s around North America to resemble the Kwik-E-Mart. Pink donuts, Squishees, Buzz Cola.
Man. Buzz Cola.
Awesome. What an idea. This movie is going to be huge, even if it’s trash. Right?
Well, probably. But that’ll be in spite of this genius marketing stunt turned mediocre attention grab.
I went looking for pictures of converted 7-Elevens. I was curious. I was interested. That’s rare.
What I found were some pictures that made my excitement die. I quickly realized that if this marketing is anywhere near as genius as I assumed it to be, it would have to be an ironic play on an old Simpsons gag.
Remember the Halloween episode where Milhouse is dressed in a cheap plastic Radioactive Man costume, and Lisa quips “I don’t think Radioactive Man would wear a plastic smock of himself..”.
Well, that’s what you have with this Kwik-E-Mart stunt. You’re likely to see a wristwatch on anyone’s Bigfoot outfit, no matter how fantastic - but this was a cheap, plastic joke straight off the shelf of Toys-R-Us back in the 1980s.
Big pictures Wiggum, Bart above special displays of new items saying “Buy me now, man!”. Huge plastic picture of Marge in the window with Apu, and some posters that look to be advertising the upcoming movie.
This is what taking a stroke of genius and turning it into a bunch of disjointed business deals looks like. Contract Hostess Argentina to produce pink donuts and some packaging with Homer going “mmmm, donuts” on them. Contract some company in Taiwan to produce huge plastic images of the Simpsons family, and ship them all off to contracted 7-Eleven outlets. Set the new items up in front of the cash, just incase anyone is truly misguided and thinks that this is supposed to be anything but as far from authentic feeling as you could possibly get.
Not only that, but they paid off news outlets to run the story. Google it. You’ll find pages and pages of the exact same headline.
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? 7-Eleven does.
Because they sure don’t have one.