Azaroth

Now, this isn’t a shot at anyone who does this legitimately. I know for certain that several respectable companies run free games and/or simply sell items that exist only inside of those games as their main profit stream instead of using the old tried-and-tried monthly account method. That’s fine. But your game has to be built for quickness, and it can’t take itself too seriously. Exhibit A being something like Puzzle Pirates.

But, somewhere along the way we got greedy. Or, would it be called smart?

Regardless, at some point… people figured out that kids make their parents buy things. They then figured out that kids like cute things. Now comes a seemingly endless supply of cheaply made (and I’m not insinuating shoddy workmanship… I’m just saying we’re not talking AAA games here, and their break even point is going to be relatively low) children’s “MMOs”. Virtual worlds? I don’t know.

Point being, there’s a lot, they’re targeted at children, and they’re pretty fucking smart if you ask me. Smart in an.. “we’ve figured out how to use this new type of product to exploit children into getting their parents to hand them a credit card” way. Which I suppose can be called smart. If not terribly difficult.

But it starts out with things like Webkinz, then you have Barbie World. Where people, apparently (and by people I mean kids.. and by kids I mean their parents) buy real life toys in order to collect certain in-game items. Including very expensive toys, like Barbie MP3 players. I’m sure they have several other methods of punishing parents for ever having a girl post-1980. But it’s all deadly.

Now of course comes another game, which is labled MyePets. That’s My “e” Pets, not some kind of clever phonetical play on words. Just incase you were wondering why the fuck they spelled My with an E.

Now, as if we haven’t gone through enough examples of totally bastardizing any original vision that anyone ever had for Virtual Worlds by not only using and abusing the idea of RMT, but wholly designing entire games around it to exploit children (I’m sure Richard Bartle and Raph Koster are currently rolling around in their communal grave that we MMO players made them after PKing them for various system changes), a new example arises. As I’m sure one would every day when it’s this profitable and easy.

However, as seen over on Matt Mihaly’s blog, this one has an amusing twist.

Apparently, this game plans to have children spend more time with (and buying things for) their E Pets by killing their real pets.

Yes that’s right, they’re encouraging children to buy chocolate snacks and feed them to their E Dogs (which are the only kind of E Pets, so it can’t be argued that this was really intended as a kitty cat treat).

Well, when designing serious virtual worlds, one must struggle with the balance between kewl loot and more practical equipment. Maybe this is the equivalent of dropping big, glowing red swords from rats. It’s exciting. It’ sexy. It’s a hell of a lot more likely to sell than 80% ash content Senior Formula Canine Biscuits.

Except the kids have to buy it. And it kills their dogs.

And you wouldn’t want to kill your MyePets dog too, right kids? STOP BUYING IT TREATS AND IT DIES.

Video of it being slaughtered available for $9.99.

The last two comments do not reflect actual game features. That I know of. In this game. Yet.

Now where’s that fucking graphic artist… I need a cute animal with big eyes to say that so it doesn’t sound so bad.